Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Yet another open letter to my state senator

Lest anyone think that my excessively truthful language will alienate my state senator, and thus perhaps harm the very cause I favor, I hasten to say that Senator Wentworth was, according to the person I spoke to in his office, the actual sponsor and author of the previous anti-gay marriage atrocity passed by the previous Texas Legislature. Hence his position is well-known, and, sad to say, inflexible. The pending bill in the present legislature goes further in banning civil unions as well as gay marriage. Indeed it goes so far as to ban legal arrangements that might in some way duplicate some of the legal characteristics of marriage. So far the only opposition to bill has been based on the possibility that such language could infringe on the sanctity of Contract, which, in the halls of the legislature, is nearly as holy as Matrimony.


Dear Senator Wentworth:

What is the matter with our legislators? The pending anti gay-marriage bill is pure, loathsome, unadulterated, raw, disgusting, sewer-rat bigotry. Nothing more, nothing less. I mean, the very same arguments were made against, um, what was that word? “miscegenation”, yes, that was it! Marriage between people of different races would destroy the sanctity of marriage. Destroy it! Yes! They said that! Can you believe it? The same arguments were made then, by exactly the same kinds of people as our present-day raving, illiterate, drooling, Bible-thumping, knuckle-walking hypocrite legislators who are lining up behind this bill, apparently with the intention of openly and publicly raping decency even as they moralize about the evils of homosexuality.

I guess irony is not your strong suit, down there in the capitol building. If the Texas Senate passes this bill it should be to the sound track of Dueling Banjos.

Jesus H. Christ! I am just at a loss for words. I guess we just don’t live in a civilized world, at least not here in Texas. Every time you people come to town, I think, oh no, man, no, there is no way they can get any worse than they were last time, but, as God is my witness, I am wrong every time. Unbelievable!

I suppose our only hope—I am speaking of civilized humanity, here—is the coming of the very Rapture the morally and Biblically illiterate have been praying for, which, should it fortuitously occur in the next several days, would levitate these same preening self-righteous bigots to the heavenly reward they look forward to and leave the rest of us to live in peace, and, I dare say, harmony, now that the halls of our legislature are silent and for the most part, empty.

The best of all possible worlds.


Jim McCulloch

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