Saturday, March 26, 2005

What we call a modest proposal: A second amendment for the 21st century

Yesterday the NRA's vice president Sandra Froman, thinking outside the box, told The Associated Press that a possible solution to school killings like the one in Minnesota is to arm the teachers.
Given an NRA world-view, this may be a step in the right direction, but immediate problems appear. Teachers, who as we all know are underpaid, overworked, and stressed by being placed in a closed room for hours at a time with individuals who know how to push all their buttons, presently have occasional harmless breakdowns, sobbing, or ranting, in the teachers lounge, but if they have a Glock 17 in the desk drawer, who knows what may happen? New headlines appear, never before seen, "teacher, fed up, goes postal..."
So, if we continue to let our thoughts run loose outside the box, the answer becomes obvious. Arm the students as well.
Hence. The National Rifle Association's plan: The self-regulating school. If _anyone_, student, teacher, janitor, principal, or teacher's aide runs amok, he or she is immediately cut down in the ensuing gunfight, instilling a lesson in practical civics for the survivors, as well as providing useful vocational training for those destined for service in the Middle East.

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